Since the beginning of my clerkship year I’ve always dreaded these two months. I share this sentiment with a lot of my peers; We all had our reasons but for me, it was because I knew how inept and inadequate I am (which is not just a show of modesty), and going about a rotation as riddled with responsibilities as this seemed like a daunting task for me. But to my surprise it actually turned out better than expected (then again, it’s my default to expect the worst in everything). My residents and interns may still see me as a fumbling slowpoke, lost and confused in going about with things (even till the very end), but I did learn some things here and there. It may not seem like it but I actually learned a lot (since amount is relative, and I started with very little, so it felt like a lot :P). I enjoyed the wards routine (mostly because it involved paperwork and that’s probably the only thing I’m good at). The ER was horrifying (mostly because I have no sense of grace under pressure and I’m such a fumbling idiot, a slowpoke, innately inept). My reports were abysmal, to say the very least (i probably failed them, I just hope I don’t have to repeat the entire rotation because of them T___T). I had three really good patients of my own (which were more than I could ask for) and several others to build character with. I had misunderstandings and clashes with seniors and colleagues alike. We’ve had good days (sitting around and watching things and doing worthless things and making the ER people feel jealous and then feeling guilty for not doing anything) and long days, and we’ve known exhaustion, frustration, and even defeat. But at the end of the day, we got to sit down together and spend quality time (endorsements aka bembang time), and I guess that’s what made things more bearable as the days went by.
In the beginning, I couldn’t imagine how I’d make it. I thought, one day at a time, and it’d be over before you know it. And now the time has come, our time has come, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Here we go again on four two-week minirotations in Pedia, and I’ll probably miss the comforts of established routine (except maybe the ER, haha :P). I’ll miss our seniors, who have been kind mentors to us. They’ll be graduating soon, and who knows if we’ll see them again in the future. But mostly I’m saying my goodbye because I hate change and I don’t feel like I’m ready to start anew.